I’ve come to believe that going to bars or clubs is actually now the worst way to meet someone. It also can be a waste of money. Even worse, it can also be a complete waste of time in your 20s.
I can’t believe that I have to write this article. This is the most hypocritical piece that I’ll ever post on here. I may even go out to a club after writing this. I’m all for having fun. I just have to open your eyes about going out, meeting people, and personal finance in your 20s.
Let’s get started…
After writing an entire book on escaping the friend zone as a bet, I’ve heard from all kinds of readers from around the world. I’m constantly amused by the success stories. I can’t really share any of these. I’m also surprised by how much money we can waste on partying in our 20s when there’s so much other fun stuff that we could be doing. I don’t even want to begin trying to calculate how much money I’ve spent on going out.
The worst advice in the world is when some “financial expert” tells you to never go out. That’s just unrealistic and boring. I’m going to show you why going out to clubs to meet women can become a waste of money, how you can save money on partying, and how-to lead a more exciting life without always feeling the need to be at the same club.
Why can going out to clubs be the biggest waste of money and time in your 20s?
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway
The whole process of going out gets very expensive.
If you’re drinking and commuting to the bar, you’re looking at spending some decent money. A drink is anywhere from $5-10. You got your cover, Uber ride, coat check, tips, and some late night grub. The expenses add up real fast. You can easily spend $100 or more on a night out. Spending $200 for a memorable night is fine if you can afford it. It’s not such a wise move if your finances aren’t where they should be.
Whenever I get hardcore about my traveling I put all of my new savings into a separate account. I skip the nights out and focus on making the trip an epic one. There’s so much that you can do with the money you save from not going to the same clubs. Trust me, hanging out in Medellin, Colombia, on a Wednesday night in February is more exciting than waiting in line at some club in the winter on a Friday night.
You stress too much about meeting someone.
You think that you’re going to meet the woman of your dreams in a night club. All you can think about is how badly you want to meet someone. You end up forgetting to have fun. I have friends who are so outcome focused that I don’t think they ever have fun. All they want to do is meet girls. I get it. We all do. This isn’t fun though. The whole goal of going out is to have a blast after a long week.
Most people now go out just to post a picture to Instagram.
“This place is half empty and everyone’s on their phones.”
A retired DJ was telling me this at a birthday party. I didn’t want to believe it. I looked around and couldn’t argue with him. Most people were on their phones posting about how much fun they were having. I know this because many of my friends were doing this. I know for a fact that they didn’t have fun because they told me they weren’t having fun. For some reason they couldn’t wait to post on social media about how great the night was. You can just share a useless meme if you need content for your social media accounts.
There’s lots of guys out.
It seems like there’s just more guys than girls that are going out these days. In general, most clubs are filled with dudes. If you’re reading this, please stop going out in huge groups. I know that for a birthday party you sometimes have to go out in a big group and can’t really escape this. Don’t make a habit out of it.
There are way too many drunk people looking for fights.
I’m on the mats at least five days a week between my grappling and pro wrestling. I get my aggression out of my system. My coach is in the UFC so I know what it takes to be a fighter. I also get beat up by guys that I outweigh by 40lbs on the mats. I know not to get into any fights when I’m out. Fighting will take up a ton of money (legal issues) and time (you don’t want to spend the night in jail) that you can’t afford to lose in your 20s.
I don’t mean to discourage you. I’m all about going out and having a blast. This is just a topic that has been on my mind lately. I’m not telling you to stay in and feel sorry for yourself. I want you to have a more interesting life. I don’t want you to waste your time and money on expensive clubs. You can meet women through other sources. You can create memories without waiting in line for an hour to get in.
How do you save money if you still want to go out?
“If you own a smartphone, you’re carrying a 24-7 singles bar in your pocket.” — Aziz Ansari
You’re obviously not going to stop going out. I’m also not going to stop having fun. I just want to help you so that you don’t become broke and lonely in your 30s when the party ends.
Get to know people in the industry.
I’m fortunate that thanks to my training in grappling and pro wrestling adventures, I’ve met lots of people in the industry. Try to make connections so that you don’t have to spend money on cover if you do go out. Also try to find out where the best events are so that you’re not wasting your time in line at random clubs.
Earn your fun.
I love to celebrate. You don’t have to go out just because it’s the weekend. I go out when I deserve it. I hustle all week. I stay focused on my diet. I ensure that I can have a guilt-free Saturday night. When I have a deadline I focus on completing everything before I can treat myself. This is how I’ve been able to self-publish multiple books.
Know your status.
It’s nice to do bottle service every weekend. If you can’t afford it though, it’s only going to put you further into debt and delay the rest of your goals. You need to be realistic about your status and where you are so that you don’t waste money pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s okay to hustle and focus on your goals today so that you can have more fun in the future. I’ve put the work in and will continue doing so.
So what are you supposed to then if you want to meet someone?
Use technology to have a booming love life.
“If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it.” — Herodotus
Go online and setup coffee dates. Every single attractive female seems to be on some dating app (so I’ve been told).
Tinder is the obvious go-to dating app. No, it’s not just for one night stands. Young professionals are busy people. We’re all online. They say that 1/3 of all new relationships will have started online. I say that you have no excuse for not being able to setup at least one coffee date this weekend through a dating app on your phone. Find some cool pictures, think of a witty description, and swipe away. As I’ve already mentioned, you’re one swipe away from finding your soul mate and a click from a new business idea.
Meet women during the day.
Those same females that you’re drooling over at the club are at the coffee shop earlier that day in their sweats. They’re also wandering the streets and possible attending a cooking class.
Why wait until they’re hammered to approach them? Why not work on your speaking skills? Stop hiding behind alcohol and start talking to strangers.
Lead a fun life that allows you to naturally meet more women.
Ideally I want you to have a busy and productive life. I want you to be having fun with everything that’s going on. I don’t want to see you panicking about some girl who didn’t call you back after you met in line at some club at midnight.
I know that this sounds like one of those empty motivational posts. Hear me out. You need to live a more exciting life. I’m involved in pro wrestling, various groups, I travel often, and I always say yes to silly opportunities. This naturally leads to me meeting new people fairly often.
Most guys are so freaking boring. If you just work and then go home to wind down for the next day, you’re never ever going to meet anyone. How are you ever going to meet anyone this way? You can’t wait until you’re 8 beers in on a Saturday night to finally meet someone. You need to become more interesting right now.
You need to become the type of person that you would want to invite to a party.
Talk to everyone. Become more social. Have fun. Be bold. Don’t go out praying to get laid. I don’t want you to be broke and out of shape because you went out getting wasted every single night.
What are better ways to spend your time and money?
“I’m on a whisky diet. I’ve lost three days already.” — Tommy Cooper
Do something productive.
There’s so much that you could do with your time these days. You already know that we’re living in the best time period in history.
What are some productive things that you can do?
- Build a successful business on the side.
- Learn a new language.
- Pick up a skill.
- Get into shape (it never hurts to be in shape).
- Set bold goals (like getting a black belt in BJJ).
Travel the world.
See what the world has to offer. You have no idea how much fun travel is until you try it. I recommend that everyone go on at least one solo trip in their 20s. When you realize what’s out there, you’re going to hustle and do everything humanly possible to add more trips to your life.
I don’t want you to stop going out. I want you to keep on having fun. I think that everyone should go through the player stage and get it out of their system. I went out three times since I started writing this article and I live walking distance from some of the busiest clubs in Toronto. So who am I to judge? I just don’t want to see you fall behind because you felt that you had to party at the same nightclub every weekend when you could’ve been building a business or getting out of debt.
“I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumours to my dogs.” — Andy Warhol
7 thoughts on “Why going to clubs to meet girls can be the biggest waste of money in your 20s”
‘Lead a fun life that allows you to naturally meet more women.’ – I LOVE this!
I do love going out, and there are fab women like me out at bars 😉 ha! I think it’s a good point that you are making. I often go out with my friends and I don’t drink, so it’s a free night for me! It’s much harder for men to do this and they spend sooo much when they do go out.
I remember reading an article before which said that some places make people more open to meeting new people – for example you are more likely to chat to a stranger at a bar than at the cinema.
This is a great read man.
Intuitively I know all of this, hard to get back on track at times when it seems like nearly everything is askew. I definitely need to spend more time doing active things, engineering school is quite an unforgiving bitch and I’m using almost all of my energy just to keep my head above water.
Any advice for business ventures for someone in my shoes? (I have a pressure cleaning business I work during the summer, more “self-employed” than business owner but it is fun to do)
Wish i discovered this article a decade ago. Thank you.
In hindsight I wasted my 20s in these cursed places. I’m 40 in 2020 and hardly drink now but had i discovered the facts in the 2000s I would have avoided the Hollywood illusion that “true love” can be found at 1am on a dance floor over exhorbitantly priced piss and 145bpm/145db music cos facts speak – I was living in a facade
We all have been there my friend. We think that we’re going to discover the meaning of life by going out to bars every single night.
I did the club thing in my 20s..not for meeting people (I had a steady girlfriend most of that time, even when I didn’t that was not on my to-do list). I love live music and the club I frequented would have a lot of 80s bands play in the mid-late 90s for $15-20 at the door. I also followed the band Godsmack all over New England, seeing them over 100 times for $10 tops.
Granted this was right when the Net was starting to be more popular but not on mobile devices, but that wasn’t something I was doing back then anyway. Could I have managed my money a little better sure, but I was never spending what I couldn’t afford and never ran up a credit card to do it either.
That’s awesome Chris. I’m all for having fun. I’ve just seen clubs become a huge waste of money for some young people.
I had the same illusion like that about going out to clubs meeting that special person which got me depressed I not think know how to enjoy life.